Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I feel like just giving up on this running stuff. I work my a** off for mediocre results. Forty-thousand miles run in 23 years and I still weigh 20 pounds more than I'd like to weigh. I'm getting older, slower, and more and more resigned to the fact that I'll never be close to lean, never really be fast, I may never run sub-24 for 100 miles, and despite my lifting of the last 18 months, I'll never be strong.

Yes, I'm in way better shape than the average American. Yeah, I can do lots of things that most people never would or could do.

But, if I want to perform well, I have to live a very spartan and boring life. I have to stop drinking alcohol, I need to live on a very boring diet, and I need to sleep a lot. Sometimes, I think the challenges are a good thing. I sometimes think that I appreciate my occasional accomplishments more because I have to work so hard for them.

And other times, like today, I'm just sick of fighting the fight. I feel like I'm a mediocre runner, a mediocre skier, and my best days are behind me. And that feels depressing.

This morning, I was planning a ten miler. It was pouring when the alarm went off and I slept a bit longer. I finally got out the door and ran 5.7 soggy miles. I'm still beat from Saturday.

Last night, I did upper body lifts. I increased the weights on two of my six lifts, and it was a good workout.

After my run this morning, I stepped on a scale. Maybe that's what put me in this sour mood. All this work, and I still gain weight.

Maybe I'll delete this post later if I'm in a better mood.

6 comments:

Tania said...

I hear you Damon. I go through much of the same stuff now and then. Not sure what to say, except I think that all those feelings are normal. Hang in there. Leave the Garmin at home, go out and run just because you love to.....

Jamie said...

I second Tania's suggestion. Also, at times I've visited Wal-Mart and looked around at the people there and it made me feel much better and reaffirmed why I'm a runner.

Hang in there, you still have to have a beer with me after Western States in 2009.

ollie said...

Damon, face facts. You suck. :-)

As do I.

Hell, I suck at MY JOB (e.g., compare the pitiful paper I am getting ready to send out to Witten's string theory work).

So, I suppose that I should be more depressed that my mathematics is mediocre than by the fact that, even if I swim a huge PR at Big Shoulders, I'll finish with the social security crowd.

ollie said...

Hey Damon, you and I aren't alone..
Check out this Frazz Cartoon

David Ray said...

Big Ha Ha to Ollie. "You suck." That's classic. :)

I like the Walmart suggestion. Or visit your local all-you-can-eat buffet. Always see some fine specimens for inspiration.

The weight thing goes up and down. I track mine with a 7 day average, weighing every day. Smooths out the bumps when I eat Mexican.

thronedoggie said...

Dude -

I've been living with this forever.

There's NOTHING that I'm good at. I even failed the aptitude test - no, I'm not joking (I can send you the post). They had to tell me that I have no measurable aptitude.

I have nothing positive to add.

But it doesn't matter, because you'll keep going anyway.