Friday, November 28, 2008

In a funk

I had a good lifting session on Wednesday night. I started with deadlifts, doing the wave loading sets. In my second set (single rep), I lifted 245 to tie my lifetime best. (Did I ever mention that I still kind of suck at lifting compared to real lifters?) In my fourth set, another single rep, I tried 275. I had tried this weight once before, back in the spring, right after the first time I lifted 245. I couldn't get the weight off the floor one tiny bit back in the spring. This time, I nailed it. So, even though I hadn't tried any maximal deadlifts in a long time, I have still been improving.

Yesterday morning, I was planning an easy run, but between the cold I have and the workout on Wednesday, I was beat. My wife wanted to go skiing and I was too beat for that as well. Plus, I had a lot of cooking to do.

We had a nice dinner with my wife's family and I sat up and watched a movie with my daughter after people left. I went to bed at 11:00, tired from a day of cooking and stuffed from too much food. A couple hours later, one of our dogs started freaking out. She gets frequent ear infections and has some allergies that we've been unable to pinpoint. While I was cleaning up after dinner, I let the dogs eat some of the food that people hadn't finished. Clearly, I triggered one of Nikki's allergies, and it took a long time to get her settled down. Benadryl finally did the trick.

So, I overslept by a bit this morning, but it was snowing hard when I woke up. Time to go skiing. But, both of my kids refused to get out of bed. I get very few days where I can simply go to the mountain and ski rather than working, but today was to be one of them. But, the kids simply made it more trouble than it was worth. The thing is, they allegedly love to ski, but getting them moving is a major pain in the ass. So, I decided to do some work from home instead of skiing.

Then, I got an e-mail about our training at the mountain this weekend. I'm disappointed with how some things are being done, and some of the decisions being made by management make no sense to me. Well, in reality, it seems like a slap in the face to me, based on the efforts I've made with regards to some things recently. It's one of those things that I need to ignore and just go with it, but it's somewhat disappointing. It also affects my income.

Combine that with my kids and their attitude this morning, and I'm just not in a good mood. Plus, I'm working on a really difficult engineering problem whose solution has been elusive so far.

So, I left home. I headed for a local WiFi spot, and I'm working by myself. I told the kids that if they needed anything, they should call their mom on the phone.

In a couple hours, I'll be in a better mood and I'll head home and cook dinner for everyone. Tomorrow, I'll go to the mountain for training and I'll just go with the flow. But for right now, I'm in a pretty pissy mood.

I'm reading a book right now called "Feeling Good" that talks about cognitive therapy and the thought patterns that depressed people go through to get themselves into a bad place. The book is scary in how well it describes how I think at times - all or nothing kind of thinking, perfectionism, ascribing motives to actions that simply aren't there, taking things personally, over-generalizing, "mind-reading", etc.

I'm trying to let go of those kinds of thoughts, but it takes a lot of work at times. Compared to many people who suffer from depression, I know that I'm not really all that depressed. With some medications and my exercise, I tend to do OK. But, unlearning certain patterns of thought is really difficult. And sometimes, I let them get the better of me, for a while at least.


Speed Racer said...

So the book is a good read? I think that after a day like that most people would be in a pretty crappy mood. I hope it passes soon.

Congratulations on the max deadlift, by the way!!! What are you doing comparing yourself to "real weightlifters"? Hasn't anyone ever told you you can't be a powerlifter and a distance runner at the same time? ;)

Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be thinking about you when I'm in the Fells tomorrow. Doomed.

David Ray said...

I'll start sliding into a funk if I skip a day of exercise. I'm totally hooked on the buzz from running.

And I gave up trying to get my kids to do anything. I'll just go. My wife and I are looking forward to the empty nest thing.

Anyways, I feel you on this one.

Tania said...

Your thoughts are freaking me out...makes me think of myself. Perfectionism...all or nothing....just weird. I tell people all the time that I am either ON or OFF...there is little in between...or what is in between is just what I would call depressed. And it honestly feels that way to me.

It will pass...if it is anything like me it comes in waves.

Take care and I hope you solve the engineering mystery. Knowing will.

I miss ya. Tell Cheryl I say HI!!

Let me know if you want to do a long run sometime. Always nice to have company running outside in the dead of winter. to bed. 8:50 and I am in bed....see....I am now "off"!!

Damon said...


I like the book, but it gets tedious at times. There's too much "homework" to do. But, it is helpful to recognize some of the thought patterns that put me in a bad mental place and realize that I don't have to think the way I tend to think.

I think the book saved my marathon a few weeks ago. I was going to quit because I wasn't going to hit my goal. I was in a mood of "I suck, I'm missing my goal, I should just go home", and it took me a while to think about the benefits that I'd gain from continuing. Part of the reason that I was happy with my result, when I missed my goal by so much, was the fact that I talked myself down from the ledge and stuck it out. If I hadn't bought that book, I wouldn't have done that.

Thanks for the comments everyone. I woke up Saturday, still in a bad mood. During the first part of our ski training, indoors, I was still feeling pretty low. Then, I put on my skis and I rode the lift and I started skiing down the mountain with friends. Every problem in the world simply melted away as I started doing something that I love so much. The instant change in my mood was amazing.

That tells me that I don't need to stay in a bad place when I get there. I can choose to see the world and my "problems" differently at times.