In a funk

I had a good lifting session on Wednesday night. I started with deadlifts, doing the wave loading sets. In my second set (single rep), I lifted 245 to tie my lifetime best. (Did I ever mention that I still kind of suck at lifting compared to real lifters?) In my fourth set, another single rep, I tried 275. I had tried this weight once before, back in the spring, right after the first time I lifted 245. I couldn't get the weight off the floor one tiny bit back in the spring. This time, I nailed it. So, even though I hadn't tried any maximal deadlifts in a long time, I have still been improving.

Yesterday morning, I was planning an easy run, but between the cold I have and the workout on Wednesday, I was beat. My wife wanted to go skiing and I was too beat for that as well. Plus, I had a lot of cooking to do.

We had a nice dinner with my wife's family and I sat up and watched a movie with my daughter after people left. I went to bed at 11:00, tired from a day of cooking and stuffed from too much food. A couple hours later, one of our dogs started freaking out. She gets frequent ear infections and has some allergies that we've been unable to pinpoint. While I was cleaning up after dinner, I let the dogs eat some of the food that people hadn't finished. Clearly, I triggered one of Nikki's allergies, and it took a long time to get her settled down. Benadryl finally did the trick.

So, I overslept by a bit this morning, but it was snowing hard when I woke up. Time to go skiing. But, both of my kids refused to get out of bed. I get very few days where I can simply go to the mountain and ski rather than working, but today was to be one of them. But, the kids simply made it more trouble than it was worth. The thing is, they allegedly love to ski, but getting them moving is a major pain in the ass. So, I decided to do some work from home instead of skiing.

Then, I got an e-mail about our training at the mountain this weekend. I'm disappointed with how some things are being done, and some of the decisions being made by management make no sense to me. Well, in reality, it seems like a slap in the face to me, based on the efforts I've made with regards to some things recently. It's one of those things that I need to ignore and just go with it, but it's somewhat disappointing. It also affects my income.

Combine that with my kids and their attitude this morning, and I'm just not in a good mood. Plus, I'm working on a really difficult engineering problem whose solution has been elusive so far.

So, I left home. I headed for a local WiFi spot, and I'm working by myself. I told the kids that if they needed anything, they should call their mom on the phone.

In a couple hours, I'll be in a better mood and I'll head home and cook dinner for everyone. Tomorrow, I'll go to the mountain for training and I'll just go with the flow. But for right now, I'm in a pretty pissy mood.

I'm reading a book right now called "Feeling Good" that talks about cognitive therapy and the thought patterns that depressed people go through to get themselves into a bad place. The book is scary in how well it describes how I think at times - all or nothing kind of thinking, perfectionism, ascribing motives to actions that simply aren't there, taking things personally, over-generalizing, "mind-reading", etc.

I'm trying to let go of those kinds of thoughts, but it takes a lot of work at times. Compared to many people who suffer from depression, I know that I'm not really all that depressed. With some medications and my exercise, I tend to do OK. But, unlearning certain patterns of thought is really difficult. And sometimes, I let them get the better of me, for a while at least.