I'm really struggling with my motivation right now. I was talking to my wife about this last night, and she basically said that it's too bad WS was cancelled last year. Last year, I was focused the whole way through training, my diet was better, and I was there, really ready to race. This year has been very different. And I'm not sure why. What worries me the most right now is my weight. I'm 15 pounds heavier right now than I was at this point last year.
I've mentioned before that job stresses have left me feeling a bit burnt out mentally. But, last winter, I had a similar job situation. So, that's not new. I now have my weekends back and that will certainly help. But, last night, when I got home, I just couldn't get myself out the door. The weather was raw and it was snowing a bit. But, that rarely deters me. I finally got myself dressed to run, and then I laid down on my bed. I ended up lying there for an hour, simply unmotivated to get out the door. Finally, at 6:15, I decided that I would simply skip it and I cooked dinner for the kids. I watched a DVD instead of working out.
I need to get my a** in gear. In some ways, this feels like a "last chance" at WS after so many disappointments in the past. I'm not too old or infirm to go through the whole process again, but I want to do this now. Maybe I'm creating negative pressure for myself by feeling that I NEED to finish the event, rather than focusing on what I love about long distance training and racing. I need to do this for the right reasons. Otherwise, it's simply too hard to feel like you have to do something that isn't going to be fun.
I think my training is OK. My diet sucks though right now and I've been drinking too much beer. That helps with the stress for an evening perhaps, but the long-term effects are certainly negative.
So, today is a new day. Today, I will relax, enjoy myself, make better decisions, and get myself one step closer to being ready for WS. One day at a time, I'll get there and I plan on having fun along the way.