The side effects from the radiation seem to be mostly gone. I have gotten sick twice this month, although neither was that severe. Each illness cost me a couple days of training or skiing, plus one (total) day of work, but neither was horrible. I did get a flu shot this year plus a pneumovax, so I don't think either illness was the flu. I'm not sure if the illnesses were related to the radiation or not, but I'm guessing they were.
My typical goal for CrossFit is to average a little more than 3 classes per week, year round. So, that means some weeks of 4 or 5 days, because some weeks will be inevitably lower than that. Regretfully, coming back from the radiation has been a bit slow, and I have not made it more than 3 times this entire month. With my workout tonight, I will be at 12 CF workouts for the month - a couple below my goal, but not too bad. Part of the problem was intense soreness as I returned after the radiation. There were multiple weeks where 1 or 2 workouts early in the week left me too sore to train for the rest of the week. That is simply not normal for me, and it had to have been caused by the radiation.
As for training in February, who knows? Tomorrow, I head to Sloan Kettering in NYC for a series of tests. The key test is a CT scan to look at how effective my December radiation treatments were. I can't say that I'm thrilled about this trip, because the best possible outcome means another surgery in the next month or so.
If the radiation was not effective, or if any new lesions show up, I have no idea what will happen. I honestly can't even let myself think about it. This is the first trip that I'm making to Sloan Kettering where I've worried about being given the dreaded "There's nothing more we can do" speech. I know that's unlikely, at least for now, but if the radiation failed or a handful of new lesions have shown up, I'm not sure what the answer will be.
Each day, as I get closer to this scan, is more and more difficult. I am having a hard time concentrating on anything, to be honest. There are just too many "what if" questions out there.
So, for now, let's just assume that things go well. I will probably have surgery in 2-3 weeks. And, with some luck, I'll be recovered from the surgery in time to still get in some skiing later this season. Hopefully, I'll be stronger on the opening day of trout season than I was last year. Last year, I fished for about 3 hours each on the first two days of the season. That was all my body could handle.
Surgery last year was in early March. If I have the surgery in early to mid February, I should be more recovered in April than I was last year.
I am certainly preparing for trout season as if I'll be healthy enough to fish. With surgery looming, I'm already thinking less and less about skiing, and thinking ahead to recovery from the surgery and then trout season. Every step of the way, I need some kind of incentive to keep me going through the next treatment. Otherwise, this whole process would be unbearable.
The other reason that I'm thinking ahead is that I'm spending my second consecutive winter cold all the time. I simply cannot get warm or stay warm. On 40F days, I'm skiing in the clothes I would normally wear for a 15F day. On a 15F day, I am wearing mittens rather than gloves, extra base layers, and I still cannot stay warm. I know that chemo messed with my tolerance to cold last winter. I'm unsure if that is a permanent effect, or if I'm having a similar reaction to the radiation. Either way, it's no fun being cold all the time, so I am thinking ahead to warmer days already. We haven't even hit the typical coldest weeks of the year, and I'm looking ahead to warmer days. I never thought I'd be the person saying that.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Friday, January 6, 2017
Little snippet of good news
It was three years ago today that I had my prostate removed due to stage 2 (Gleason Stage 3+4) prostate cancer. The pathology from that day showed that the cancer was fully contained within the prostate and the amount of Gleason pattern 4 cancer (the more dangerous type) was very minimal. In retrospect, I might have been able to put off surgery for years, although doctors want to treat people my age very quickly for prostate cancer, given the expected lifespan of a male in his early 50's. In hindsight, especially with everything I know now, I would have have held off on treating the prostate cancer, but there are no do-overs.
Even though the final pathology report was good, and despite much more pressing concerns at the moment, I still need to have my PSA level checked every six months. And, because I'm a testosterone user (it's only been in the past few years that prostate cancer patients have been allowed to use testosterone after treatment), the doctors are extra cautious about the PSA level.
So, this past Monday morning, I had three blood tests - a hemagram, PSA, and testosterone level. First, and most importantly, my PSA remains undetectable at the 3 year mark post-op. According to online nomograms, I have a 99% chance of not dying from prostate cancer in the next 15 years, and a 91% chance of being free of prostate cancer in 10 years. My testosterone level is solid and my blood isn't too thick - something that can happen with high doses of testosterone - higher doses than I use.
Doctors don't like to use the word "cured" with prostate cancer, and certainly not before the 5 year mark. But, these test results give me some hope that I shouldn't have to worry about that beast again. Besides, I have a bigger opponent these days.
Even though the final pathology report was good, and despite much more pressing concerns at the moment, I still need to have my PSA level checked every six months. And, because I'm a testosterone user (it's only been in the past few years that prostate cancer patients have been allowed to use testosterone after treatment), the doctors are extra cautious about the PSA level.
So, this past Monday morning, I had three blood tests - a hemagram, PSA, and testosterone level. First, and most importantly, my PSA remains undetectable at the 3 year mark post-op. According to online nomograms, I have a 99% chance of not dying from prostate cancer in the next 15 years, and a 91% chance of being free of prostate cancer in 10 years. My testosterone level is solid and my blood isn't too thick - something that can happen with high doses of testosterone - higher doses than I use.
Doctors don't like to use the word "cured" with prostate cancer, and certainly not before the 5 year mark. But, these test results give me some hope that I shouldn't have to worry about that beast again. Besides, I have a bigger opponent these days.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Minor setback
This week, for the first time since my radiation treatments, I was able to squat on Monday and not end up unimaginably sore for the next few days. I even followed up Monday squats with deadlifts on Tuesday, plus some other work. But, I noticed Tuesday night that I was struggling with my workout, and I blamed it on lifting heavier on Monday.
In reality, it turns out that I have a head cold - my first in a long time. I'm not sure why, but for many years of my life, I have been prone to catching colds. Two winters ago, before I started to feel sick from the liposarcoma tumor, I was amazed to catch a cold in November, December, January, February and March. Those persistent colds led to a tough ski season. It just isn't much fun to ski in the cold weather while sick.
In hindsight, I'm sure this was due to the cancer messing with my immune system, but at the time, it was very disturbing. I've always heard that we catch fewer colds as we get older, mostly due to antibodies that we developed from colds when we were younger. I can't cite any research on this, so I could be off base here. But, I seemed to be going the opposite direction at the time.
But, after I started to get sick in April of 2015, and after the 5 colds in 5 months, this suddenly stopped. I haven't had a cold right now in 20+ months. So, I'm not going to complain too much about this one. I would guess that I'm overdue.
Due to the cancer and having mild asthma, I get a flu shot every winter and I make sure to stay up to date on the pneumonia vaccine. So, I'm sure this is just a head cold that will hopefully run its course in a few days.
Regretfully, that does mean a few days of rest. I might be able to work out, if I really wanted to, but it wouldn't be fun. So, I'm just going to wait it out. If I'm not feeling better by tomorrow afternoon, I will skip skiing this coming weekend. And hopefully, by Monday, I'll be right back to my normal training schedule.
I have just under 4 weeks until my next CT scan at Sloan Kettering. If things go as expected, we will set a date for surgery that day, and I'm guessing I'll have surgery by mid-February. So, my goal right now is to regain as much fitness as possible between now and the surgery. My fitness has helped me in my recovery from previous surgeries, and going into surgery in good shape means I'm in better shape when I can resume training.
So, I really want to be training regularly right now. But, I will use some discretion and rest a few days before getting back to my normal schedule. I don't want to risk prolonging the cold by trying to train hard through it.
Such is life.
In reality, it turns out that I have a head cold - my first in a long time. I'm not sure why, but for many years of my life, I have been prone to catching colds. Two winters ago, before I started to feel sick from the liposarcoma tumor, I was amazed to catch a cold in November, December, January, February and March. Those persistent colds led to a tough ski season. It just isn't much fun to ski in the cold weather while sick.
In hindsight, I'm sure this was due to the cancer messing with my immune system, but at the time, it was very disturbing. I've always heard that we catch fewer colds as we get older, mostly due to antibodies that we developed from colds when we were younger. I can't cite any research on this, so I could be off base here. But, I seemed to be going the opposite direction at the time.
But, after I started to get sick in April of 2015, and after the 5 colds in 5 months, this suddenly stopped. I haven't had a cold right now in 20+ months. So, I'm not going to complain too much about this one. I would guess that I'm overdue.
Due to the cancer and having mild asthma, I get a flu shot every winter and I make sure to stay up to date on the pneumonia vaccine. So, I'm sure this is just a head cold that will hopefully run its course in a few days.
Regretfully, that does mean a few days of rest. I might be able to work out, if I really wanted to, but it wouldn't be fun. So, I'm just going to wait it out. If I'm not feeling better by tomorrow afternoon, I will skip skiing this coming weekend. And hopefully, by Monday, I'll be right back to my normal training schedule.
I have just under 4 weeks until my next CT scan at Sloan Kettering. If things go as expected, we will set a date for surgery that day, and I'm guessing I'll have surgery by mid-February. So, my goal right now is to regain as much fitness as possible between now and the surgery. My fitness has helped me in my recovery from previous surgeries, and going into surgery in good shape means I'm in better shape when I can resume training.
So, I really want to be training regularly right now. But, I will use some discretion and rest a few days before getting back to my normal schedule. I don't want to risk prolonging the cold by trying to train hard through it.
Such is life.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
A few good days in a row
Monday, the day after Christmas, I hopped on the treadmill for a 90 minute walk. After our recent rain and freeze/thaw/freeze cycles, walking outside didn't seem safe, and it was a chilly day anyway. The walk was pretty basic - a bit over 4 miles in the 90 minutes, but the aftermath was surprising.
I woke up on Tuesday sore all over from just walking. I'm assuming that I'm still seeing side effects from the radiation, because every workout for weeks has had this effect. Despite being tired and sore, I made it to the gym Tuesday night. I started my workout with 10x3 back squats at 135#. This is kind of pathetic, given that I lifted 320# recently, but it's what my body will tolerate. Last week, one workout of squats at 113# destroyed me for the week, so even this level worried me. But, it went reasonably OK.
After squats, we did an AMRAP of wall balls, light deadlifts and ring rows. I have to admit that I really struggled through this and hated every second of it. But, I finished, and it was one of those days where I was glad that I had worked out. I rarely hate a workout, but this day was an exception. Luckily, I stuck with it and completed it, even though it wasn't fun.
Yesterday, I wasn't as sore as I expected, so I returned to CF - my first time doing 2 days in a row since November. We started with strict presses and push presses. Then, we moved on to 3 x 5 minute working sets. Each round had a "buy-in" of weighed box step-ups and DB shoulder to overhead movements, followed by max burpees in the remaining time. Compared to the rest of the class, my burpee total was pathetic, but I did manage to get through it and keep moving. The first round had 30 reps of each of the first 2 movements and I got 6 burpees. The second set was 20, 20 and 16 burpees, and the last set was 10, 10 and 26 burpees for a final score of 48 burpees. Most others had way more than 48 burpees in just the last set, and one person had a total of 170 burpees. If I had done only burpees through the 21 minutes of this workout, with no rest and no other movements, I don't know if I could have done 170 burpees. I have a long way to go to get back to where I was. With surgery looming in February, I need to get myself back into decent shape quickly.
Today, we are expecting our first big winter storm in a couple winters. I have to pick up a new part for the snowblower at lunchtime. We are skipping CF so we can get home before the heaviest snow starts to accrue. I am hoping to do CF tomorrow, at an easy level, before I ski all weekend. The snow storm should really help the conditions on the mountain tremendously.
I woke up on Tuesday sore all over from just walking. I'm assuming that I'm still seeing side effects from the radiation, because every workout for weeks has had this effect. Despite being tired and sore, I made it to the gym Tuesday night. I started my workout with 10x3 back squats at 135#. This is kind of pathetic, given that I lifted 320# recently, but it's what my body will tolerate. Last week, one workout of squats at 113# destroyed me for the week, so even this level worried me. But, it went reasonably OK.
After squats, we did an AMRAP of wall balls, light deadlifts and ring rows. I have to admit that I really struggled through this and hated every second of it. But, I finished, and it was one of those days where I was glad that I had worked out. I rarely hate a workout, but this day was an exception. Luckily, I stuck with it and completed it, even though it wasn't fun.
Yesterday, I wasn't as sore as I expected, so I returned to CF - my first time doing 2 days in a row since November. We started with strict presses and push presses. Then, we moved on to 3 x 5 minute working sets. Each round had a "buy-in" of weighed box step-ups and DB shoulder to overhead movements, followed by max burpees in the remaining time. Compared to the rest of the class, my burpee total was pathetic, but I did manage to get through it and keep moving. The first round had 30 reps of each of the first 2 movements and I got 6 burpees. The second set was 20, 20 and 16 burpees, and the last set was 10, 10 and 26 burpees for a final score of 48 burpees. Most others had way more than 48 burpees in just the last set, and one person had a total of 170 burpees. If I had done only burpees through the 21 minutes of this workout, with no rest and no other movements, I don't know if I could have done 170 burpees. I have a long way to go to get back to where I was. With surgery looming in February, I need to get myself back into decent shape quickly.
Today, we are expecting our first big winter storm in a couple winters. I have to pick up a new part for the snowblower at lunchtime. We are skipping CF so we can get home before the heaviest snow starts to accrue. I am hoping to do CF tomorrow, at an easy level, before I ski all weekend. The snow storm should really help the conditions on the mountain tremendously.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Trouble finding my rhythm
Well, my wife would say I've always been rhythmically challenged, especially on the dance floor. But, it's a different kind of rhythm that's eluding me, really since late September. Late October is when my wife and I did the Ghost Train ultra, covering 45 miles in 28+ hours, but I started tapering for that event at the end of September.
Since then, I simply can't seem to find a consistency in my training. Yes, I had three trips to NYC for treatment. The treatment and aftermath of radiation cost me 3 weeks of gym time. But, it seems that every time I jump back into CF, I trash my body so badly that I am left incapacitated for days.
This week, for example, we started the week with front squats and back squats on Monday night. When healthy, I would do this workout at 185 pounds, a testament to my current weak front squat (My front squat PR is 305#, back squat is 375#, and I can only do 185 for mixed sets???). But, after three weeks away from the gym, I backed way, way off, and did the squats at 113# - crazy low weight for me.
By Tuesday night, my hammies were sore, but I managed to walk on the treadmill. By yesterday, I could barely walk, and I pulled my left hamstring during a warm-up at the gym, doing unweighted split squats. I knew I needed to be careful on that movement, and I thought I was being careful, but I tweaked the muscle anyway. So, I sat out the workout. Today, I can barely walk again, so I doubt that I can do CF. Even a walk on the treadmill will be tough, to be honest.
Every week seems to go like this. No matter how easy I go, I trash myself. Then, I miss some days. Then, when I return, my conditioning is even worse, and I trash myself again. I can't seem to find a way to train at a moderate level so that I can find some consistency.
Squatting seems to be the core issue, and we always squat on Mondays. Recently, squatting comes after a weekend of skiing, and by Tuesday, I'm shot. I love to squat, and I want to squat at least once per week. But, without some consistency, I can't do it without trashing my legs for days. Right now, I haven't done CF even 3 times in one week since September. I've been walking a lot, but walking is not proper preparation for CF. So, my inconsistency feeds on itself, and I feel like I'm going backwards.
Between my trips to MSKCC last month and this month, the holidays, a business trip, and other family obligations, I simply can't find that rhythm.
Right now, I'm probably 7-8 weeks away from my next surgery, and I need to use that time to get stronger and more fit, so I'm as fit as possible heading into the surgery. And, I'm not doing a very good job right now. I must fix that!
Since then, I simply can't seem to find a consistency in my training. Yes, I had three trips to NYC for treatment. The treatment and aftermath of radiation cost me 3 weeks of gym time. But, it seems that every time I jump back into CF, I trash my body so badly that I am left incapacitated for days.
This week, for example, we started the week with front squats and back squats on Monday night. When healthy, I would do this workout at 185 pounds, a testament to my current weak front squat (My front squat PR is 305#, back squat is 375#, and I can only do 185 for mixed sets???). But, after three weeks away from the gym, I backed way, way off, and did the squats at 113# - crazy low weight for me.
By Tuesday night, my hammies were sore, but I managed to walk on the treadmill. By yesterday, I could barely walk, and I pulled my left hamstring during a warm-up at the gym, doing unweighted split squats. I knew I needed to be careful on that movement, and I thought I was being careful, but I tweaked the muscle anyway. So, I sat out the workout. Today, I can barely walk again, so I doubt that I can do CF. Even a walk on the treadmill will be tough, to be honest.
Every week seems to go like this. No matter how easy I go, I trash myself. Then, I miss some days. Then, when I return, my conditioning is even worse, and I trash myself again. I can't seem to find a way to train at a moderate level so that I can find some consistency.
Squatting seems to be the core issue, and we always squat on Mondays. Recently, squatting comes after a weekend of skiing, and by Tuesday, I'm shot. I love to squat, and I want to squat at least once per week. But, without some consistency, I can't do it without trashing my legs for days. Right now, I haven't done CF even 3 times in one week since September. I've been walking a lot, but walking is not proper preparation for CF. So, my inconsistency feeds on itself, and I feel like I'm going backwards.
Between my trips to MSKCC last month and this month, the holidays, a business trip, and other family obligations, I simply can't find that rhythm.
Right now, I'm probably 7-8 weeks away from my next surgery, and I need to use that time to get stronger and more fit, so I'm as fit as possible heading into the surgery. And, I'm not doing a very good job right now. I must fix that!
Monday, December 19, 2016
Getting back to life
Last Thursday was a milestone for me. After taking a sick day on Wednesday due to nausea and cramping, I ate lunch on Thursday. It was the first time I felt good enough to eat lunch in a few days. From there, each day has gotten better, although I'm still taking anti-nausea meds.
However, I'm no longer skipping meals (good or bad, I'm not sure), and I'm able to sleep through the night without being awakened by nausea.
I managed to ski both days this weekend, although I didn't cover much terrain on Sunday due to crazy weather. I left my house early due to icy roads and an air temperature of 30F. Driving was slow, and I had to use my alternate (longer) route to Sugarbush. As I got close to the mountain, the air temperature went from 30F to 46F in a matter of minutes. It started to rain hard and the winds picked up.
Only 2 hours later, the opposite happened, as the temperatures started to plummet again. By the time I left the mountain, only 3 hours after I arrived, it was 36F and snowing. On my drive home, the temperature dropped to 31F and it was 0F by this morning. So, in 48 hours, we went from 0F to 46F to 0F.
Regretfully, the brief warm period and the pouring rain that came with it really destroyed our amazing start to ski season. Natural snow trails that had been amazing are suddenly a mix of ice and dirt, and they are mostly closed. The trails that aren't closed and that aren't groomed are now bulletproof ice.
Such is winter in New England (yeah, it's not technically winter yet).
But, the good thing is that I was able to ski 2 days in a row after a very rough week. Last night, I even felt up to having a little Champagne as we decorated our Christmas tree. We had waited longer than normal to put up a tree this year, wanting to wait until our daughter was home from Syracuse after her first semester as a freshman.
Tonight, I plan to do CrossFit. It is a squat night, and after 20 days away from the barbell, I will lift very lightly. My muscles might be strong enough to lift heavier than I will, but if I do that, I will be too sore to even walk for the rest of the week. So, I plan to ease back into CF these next 2 weeks.
Lastly, speaking of CrossFit, members of our gym set up a fundraiser for my wife and me, to help us pay our transportation costs for my treatments at Sloan Kettering. The response has been overwhelming in just one week. At times, the kindness of others has honestly left me in tears. I'm not sure what I've ever done to deserve such kindness, and I often say that it's my wife that people are supporting, rather than me. I know that's not really true, but I have been touched beyond belief by all of the kindness we have received in the past 15 months.
While I would never say that I'm a religious person, the only word I can think of to describe how I feel is blessed. We've had so much help from friends, ranging from a few great meals in Manhattan, a Broadway show, a night in the Waldorf Astoria with a high school friend (well, truly a lifelong friend), help from my brother, help from my skiing co-workers, and now, help from our gym friends (and others who have contributed so much).
I am reminded of a quote from Edgar Allen Poe's Mesmeric Revelation, and I'll finish with that:
"Never to have suffered would never to have been blessed."
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